Matthew

(Taken from an assignment for my internship)

 On Saturday May 16, something tragic happened in OCWC’s community. I didn’t write about it on Saturday night when I last wrote an entry because I didn’t hear about it until the next morning when Pastor Greg, the youth pastor, got up in front of the church to give announcements. He announced that the night before at 8:30 p.m. a group of six 10th grade students from the high school across the street were trying to get from one side of route 50 to the other so that they could cross the bridge into Ocean City. In order to beat traffic they ran across two lanes of the four-lane roadway to the median and stopped, all except for one of them. A young man named Matthew, for whatever reason, kept running. The moment that his foot hit the pavement of the inbound lane, he was struck by a Jeep Cherokee driven by a man who was just over the legal limit with alcohol, and the teenager was killed instantly. To say that this came as a shock to me would be an understatement. It was sadly ironic because the night that it happened, at that very time, I was on my way back to my house from the prayer meeting and was wondering why there was such bad traffic. 

The last few days have been extremely difficult, to say the least, for a whole bunch of different reasons. Last night we held our first Deep service since the accident, and even though Matthew didn’t go to our church, there were plenty of people that knew him that were there, and it was obviously evident that they were in pain. It was very heartbreaking. Pastor Greg had gone to the high school on Monday to counsel teenagers, and he said that it was pretty rough. Apparently they are still dealing with it even today because he was invited by students to come back this morning. 

Overall, this experience has completely rocked my experience in ministry. It’s so difficult to talk to people who are grieving over suddenly losing a loved one, especially when you didn't even see it coming. Disease or old age is one thing, but having a teenager’s life suddenly lost in a sea of carelessness is another. This tragedy has taught me basically more in the last three days about ministry than four years of college could ever teach me. Here I am, right here in the midst of it, and it hurts, even for me. It’s been very tough. It makes me realize the preciousness of life and how quickly someone can in one heartbeat be here and the next in eternity. It’s made me appreciate my friends and family more. It’s made me want to get the most out of spending time with them. Yet at the same time it worries me that I may lose somebody I love before it’s their time, and like Matthew’s family and friends, I may never get to say goodbye to them. The struggle of worry has been somewhat of a challenge for me. A few years ago I lost a good friend to cancer. He was 3 years younger than me. I believed with all my heart that he would be healed, and because I did that, I never got to say goodbye. This event has rocked a lot of things in my life, and one of those has been my trust in God. When tragedies like this happen, I often question in my head, “God, what is stopping you from taking somebody I love right from me?” This fear has honestly been something that for my entire college career has plagued my life. I can say (with optimism) that it has been getting better, and not worse. I must say, however, that this is a type of a ministerial challenge for me. Whether people were to die a Christian or not can become second sometimes because there is still a level of worry in my heart. Of course if they die a Christian I rejoice for them because they no longer have to be here, but I mourn because they aren’t here to aid me in the rest of my time. If they die not a Christian...well...fill in the blank...

God has been doing a work for me for 4 years regarding this matter, but I can honestly say that I feel a similar heartbreak first hand that Matt’s friends and family are feeling. I can only hope for two things. Firstly, and most importantly, that like any other tragic situation that God, can take what was meant for bad and turn it into something good that glorifies him. Secondly, I hope that in my life I can become so aware and so thankful for what is given to me today, because it might not be there tomorrow. In that reality, God says that he will never leave me and will never forsake me. He says that he will provide and that I do not need to worry. He says that the suffering that we face here will never be remotely comparable to the glory we will receive in eternity. I must trust Him. I do trust Him.

May Matthew's family find the peace of Jesus in this situation.

The Art of Dying

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun

John Mayer - Stop This Train

I'm currently on day one (or night I could say) of my 1.5 days off before I have to get in my car and head back to OC. Tomorrow evening is my first Saturday night prayer service with OCWC to be proceeded by Sunday church activities. Today has been a weird day as far as my imagination goes. Lately, I've seen a lot of pictures of myself, and quite frankly, I feel like I don't even closely resemble a child anymore. I no longer look like a teenager either. I'm an adult.

That's it, nothing more, nothing less. I'm an adult.

Honestly, this is something that scares me. I'm never going to be young again, and I know that as I continue to grow this feeling is only going to become more evident. I guess I'm just having a hard time with it right now.

I feel like everybody gets to this place of the unknown. I don't know what it's like to feel like this. I've never done this before. It scares me. I would have rather experienced this at age 40, but then again, maybe it's a good thing that I'm being this realistic at this point in my life.

I guess the one thing that keeps going through my head is the fact that, no matter what, this situation is never going to change. It's going to have to be me who adapts. I need to come to the point where I realize that there is a time to move on, and a time to grow up.

Through it all, God has continually sustained me. I don't deserve his grace, and yet he freely covers me with it. Honestly, I feel like he floods me with it. I'm at a point in my life where I need a lot of grace, and there's nothing else that I want more than that. Things are going to continue to shift, and it's going to have to be God's grace that carries me until I can get my feet on the ground again.

Scared? Yes.

Hopeless? Never.

Hope? Abundantly.

Ready? We'll see wont we.

 

Turning a New Page

Greetings in the name of Jabba the Hutt! (I have no idea what this is about)

Just to update everybody, I'm currently on my third day of my internship at Ocean City Worship Center in Ocean City, Maryland. For VFCC, I have to do a 4-6 week internship at a church to fulfill requirements for my major (which is Youth Ministry). My internship at this church is going to be for almost 9 weeks. I got this internship because of last summer when I toured with Chosen. We actually toured through this church and while I was here I had an opportunity to speak with the senior pastor, Pastor Bryan, and then this January we began talking about the possibility of making something happen. Obviously now, it has become a reality. I don't have to blog for class or anything, but I just thought I'd try to keep whomever was concerned updated on what's going on. 

Okay...now that the technical jargon is out of the way...let's do this...

I am having a blast! So far, I've had the opportunity to set up some office space and schedule meetings. I've been a part of area pastor's gatherings, helped set up and tear down the youth group, and got to know all of the staff (well...at least their names). I've gotten assignments and itineraries. I've gotten book assignments and been shown around the various towns. I've gotten to go be part of an after school Youth Alive program at the middle school next door. I've also been privileged to meet some great people who have welcomed me to the church with open arms. Best of all, I've been able to serve Jesus in some really practical ways. Last night was my first experience with The Deep, OCWC's youth ministry. They usually run over 100+ teenagers, and although they were a little short last night, it was still amazing to see so many teenagers come out to see what God had for their lives. I got a chance to share about myself and also heed some questions from teens (one including what body part I'd like to have duplicated...ummm...awkward?) Anyway, it's been amazing. The Deep is held every Tuesday night at 7 p.m., so I am looking forward to what God would have for me in the next couple of weeks.

I know after reading over some of my previous blogs this one isn't too creative, but I'll try better next time I promise. Right now I'm just trying to set stuff up for the summer so get off my back! Just kidding. I plan on using this blog to share some unique experiences that I am anticipating having, and hopefully the stories and such that I put on here become something encouraging for people who actually read it.

...or maybe you are just really bored and have nothing better to do with your time.

Until next time,

That guy with the orange shirt on to the right.