I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun
John Mayer - Stop This Train
I'm currently on day one (or night I could say) of my 1.5 days off before I have to get in my car and head back to OC. Tomorrow evening is my first Saturday night prayer service with OCWC to be proceeded by Sunday church activities. Today has been a weird day as far as my imagination goes. Lately, I've seen a lot of pictures of myself, and quite frankly, I feel like I don't even closely resemble a child anymore. I no longer look like a teenager either. I'm an adult.
That's it, nothing more, nothing less. I'm an adult.
Honestly, this is something that scares me. I'm never going to be young again, and I know that as I continue to grow this feeling is only going to become more evident. I guess I'm just having a hard time with it right now.
I feel like everybody gets to this place of the unknown. I don't know what it's like to feel like this. I've never done this before. It scares me. I would have rather experienced this at age 40, but then again, maybe it's a good thing that I'm being this realistic at this point in my life.
I guess the one thing that keeps going through my head is the fact that, no matter what, this situation is never going to change. It's going to have to be me who adapts. I need to come to the point where I realize that there is a time to move on, and a time to grow up.
Through it all, God has continually sustained me. I don't deserve his grace, and yet he freely covers me with it. Honestly, I feel like he floods me with it. I'm at a point in my life where I need a lot of grace, and there's nothing else that I want more than that. Things are going to continue to shift, and it's going to have to be God's grace that carries me until I can get my feet on the ground again.
Scared? Yes.
Hopeless? Never.
Hope? Abundantly.
Ready? We'll see wont we.
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