Showdown

"Oh LORD, you have searched me and know me!" -- Psalm 139:1

In the last couple of days I have been really trying to analyze a a conversation going on inside my head: the one that goes on between myself and...myself. It is a conversation that nobody else hears; it is completely private. The essence of that conversation is thus:

There are two people that truly know me.

Me.

and God.

Everybody else in the world that knows that I exist knows only the man on the outside. People are only aware of the man I give to them. Honestly, I could go through my whole life and give people a phony me. How would they ever know? In fact, I will ask a question to those who actually know me: how do you know that the person I present to you is actually who I am? Better yet, how do you know that the person I present to you is who I even desire to be?

I have struggled a lot lately with being authentic regarding the person I am on the inside and the person I display on the outside. Now before you start to question if I secretly killed a man or am harboring something secret and vile, just know that I'm not even talking about nor living a double lifestyle here. I'm talking about the fact that not one person on this planet knows the thoughts that go through my head and not one person knows the struggles I really deal with.

Only me,

and God.

I think one of the things I'm learning as a Christian is that until either you die or Jesus comes back there is a showdown between the old sin-infected self and the new glorified man-to-come. It's more than a struggle; it's a war. I believe this happens in every Christian, and that fact is, only two people know about it:

You,

and God.

I often think "Man, if people really knew some of the thoughts that go through my head, they would question why I even call myself Christian" Maybe it's a good thing I'm not depended upon my own righteousness to impress God. In this struggle I come to the realization that even though I battle in my mind, I am only who I am because of what God has done for me. On my own, I am nothing. I am a filthy, dirty, and sinful person. Yet when I realize the fact that Jesus gives me righteousness through the cross I can understand it's okay to struggle between who I was and who I am becoming. How is this possible you may ask?

Because Jesus always wins. On my own, I can't.

I will never win, and in fact if you are a Christian out there, you don't win unless it's because Jesus gives you the win. There is an epidemic of disgusting self-righteousness going on through the Christian world, and it needs to be cut off right now. Christians win only because Jesus wins. Take Jesus out of the equation and the Christian fails. It's a simple as that. A Christian isn't a good person. They are still just as rotten as the criminal in the county jail. The only difference is that they have accepted the forgiveness for their lewdness and they have committed to Jesus' way over their own.

God knows us, intimately. He knows our shortcomings and he knows what we bring to the table. We are dirty sinners and yet he still decided to come and die for us, and we can't forget that. He knows us, he knows the man on the inside, and he knows the person we display, and as we continue to struggle with that one on the inside, let's be real and understand that that's going to be a battle that will last for a while. Our answer isn't to ignore it, and our answer isn't to pretend we are good people either. The only hope we have is in the one who knows us and let's us exchange our crud for his forgiveness and perfection.

He knows us, inside and out. Let's rid ourselves of self-righteous pride. Let's deal with that man on the inside, but realize that our righteousness comes from Jesus, not ourselves. Our command is to simply accept the "life more abundantly" that Jesus offers. This comes by submission to God and His word. He will renew our minds in this way. I believe that's how we can win the war.

Time is running short.

It’s officially my last “off day” before my internship is over. I knew 2 months ago that my time here would fly by, and honestly I didn’t think it would be this fast. I am in complete disbelief that this Sunday will be my last Sunday. I also only have one more DEEP to attend. This internship has taught me a lot of things; things about myself, things about ministry, things about working with pastors and congregations, things about working with teenagers, things about time management, things about emotions, things about friendships, and the list could go on and on. I think a lot of people would go through an internship constantly worried about not getting anything out of it. Thankfully, I don’t have to dwell on that. During the school year when I was prepping my mind to be here I was somewhat excited about graduating and going off to work in ministry full time. After my time here at Ocean City I’ve realized that I don’t even want to go back to Valley Forge in the fall. Obviously I need to because I need to graduate, but all I can say is that I’m ready to be out in the world. I’m excited to do what I feel I was created to do. Dreams of having a full time paying job, getting a house, and being an “adult” have plagued my mind for the better part of the summer. I’m ready to go. I know that in the semester that I have left at Valley Forge I’ll be able to tie up some loose ends in my life; talk to some professors, hang out with friends, and finally get my degree. It’s a very exciting time in my life to say the least, and I can’t wait until it comes full circle. With one week to go I get to attend one more prayer service, one more Sunday morning service, and one more DEEP. It’s going to be a great time with my friends and mentors here. We’ll have to see to what benefit my time here has been once I graduate, but I already know that it’s benefited me in my life now.

6 days to go...

9 days to go...

Today is the beginning of my last full week with Ocean City Worship Center. Honestly, it has gone by entirely too fast. I’ve begun setting up what I’ll do when I get back to Pittsburgh on July 6^th. I’m somewhat excited, but at the same time, I’m really going to miss this place. This past weekend I led my second and last Saturday night prayer service. The prayer service honestly has become my favorite service (besides the DEEP, of course). It so laid back and chill, and I always have a unique experience with God there. More than any other time during the week, I feel like God speaks into my life in those moments. Those times that I’ve gotten to spend with those fifteen to twenty prayer warriors of the church have been so encouraging. I decided that for my last prayer meeting I would do a communion service at the end. I got real bread and grape juice from the store. I went all out by not using the cardboard wafer or those sissy cups that you use on Sunday morning; no, I used the real deal: an Italian loaf and styrofoam party cups with 100% Juicy Juice. Oh yes indeed. People actually got something to eat and drink. It was nice. The service was really special, and I’m so glad we get to participate in something Jesus himself participated in and still sends his presence for. We concluded the night with actual “communion”; sitting around and talking while we ate. It was special, and honestly how I think it’s supposed to be. We’ve made communion a ritual and something we just “do”. I feel like communion is supposed to bring God, the individual, and the church into community. Yet, I feel like by just doing communion to do communion and obey an ordinance is foolish and not entirely obedient in itself. Jesus gave us communion so that we could remember him and his promise collectively, but unfortunately in our busy culture, we can’t take more than five minutes to hang out with each other. Saturday night we certainly did, and it was great (and Jesus was there too). This week is going to consist of a lot of time and effort being poured into my report on the feedback survey. I’m already shot because of it, and I’ve only reported on 30 of the 80 questions. The report has to be done by the end of tomorrow because we’re having a staff meeting on Wednesday to talk about the results. Hopefully my insight through this survey and through my report will help OCWC become an even better place than it already is. I’m really going to miss it. Here’s to 9 more days Ocean City!

-Later

"Identity Crisis" sermon notes

A week ago, I had an opportunity to preach in the DEEP, the youth ministry at Ocean City Worship Center. Here's some reflections on the passage of scripture that was used:

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation. --> I Peter 2:9-12

The first thing that you would have to do to understand this passage is to also understand I Peter 2:4-12. To not make you X out this window, I will summarize it briefly. 

When it comes to Christianity, people respond in 3 different ways. The first is that of ignorance. Some people have never heard of Jesus or have never been given a decent understanding of who he was and what he came to do. If you're reading this, you probably do not fall into this category, but if you do, I hope you understand a little bit better.

The second response is people who know of Jesus and stumble over him. They stumble over Jesus for two possible reasons. The first reason is that they are offended by Jesus (our passage refers to Isaiah 8:14). His message and his mission are things that people don't like and reject. The second reason people stumble over Jesus is because they don't want people telling them what to do (I Peter 2:8). I will argue that most people reject Jesus NOT because of the natural revelation of God in nature or special revelation of God in scripture; people just don't want somebody else telling them what to do. God has some pretty undeniable qualities going on in his resume, but people wont even open their eyes to it because they are too filled with pride to have somebody else tell them that they are wrong and that they need to change. In America especially, people really think they have it all together. Overwhelming pride is a huge boot that gets caught on this stumbling block of Jesus. Some of you who will read this will fall into this category, and if that is the case, I would ask you to not take offense at Jesus because he tells you what to do, but instead admit your faults and the fact that you are not the most intelligent being in the universe and heed the message. You're wrong; He's right. He made the expanses of the universe. You can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; He's officially more intelligent than you.

The third response are those that fall into our passage: you do not stumble over Jesus, but instead you stand upon what he has said and promised.  You are "not like that", instead you are priests, a holy nation, and God's possession.

Priests: You have a special connection to God. Like the priests of the Old Testament who were the only ones who could converse with God, you now have full access because of Jesus. There is no experience requirement, nor is there a location requirement. If you've trusted upon Jesus to forgive you of Sin and make you right with God, you are a priest to God.

Holy Nation: This means that you have been included into the chosen people of God, or "Spiritual Israel". You now are co-heirs with Christ and his promises, and you will also join in with the fulfillment of Old Testament promises to the chosen people. If it was promised to the Israelites, you also are a recipient. You are adopted sons and daughters of the King. You are chosen by God (you didn't chose God) and you are loved beyond measure.

God's possession: If I might say so, there are quite a few loners and sojourners in the world today. Many people deal with loneliness and the lack of companionship. While we all long for an earthly mate, it has been God's plan from the beginning to own you and call you His. Some people do not belong to God. God is yelling in their face and wants them to look to Him, but by their own choice they walk away and allow other things to possess ownership of them. For the Christian, ownership belongs to God. While most people in society feel alienated and unloved, God longs to make people his own possession; a place of belonging and love. I Peter 2:10 speaks of once being separated and now belonging. It is my prayer that every outsider to Christianity understand that they can belong, and also to every Christian that they need not feel like they don't belong or that they aren't loved. I love the quote that says "God would rather die for you than to live with out you". Isn't it true?

The study finishes up with I Peter 2:11-12. What do you do with your identity in Jesus? 

YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR HOME IS NOT HERE

Far too many Christian fall into the trap of believing that THEY need to set up the Kingdom of God on this earth. The fact of the matter is that it's already here (according to Jesus), you just can't see it. It is not the job of a Christian to create this, it's God's job, and believe me He's doing it. What are we to do? A couple of things.

Stay away from evil desires: Toughy here. Being in the world but not of it, and yet repeatedly God tells the Christian that He will show a way out of temptation. We will fall, but don't ever doubt God's grace. It's pretty amazing. The simplest way to keep Jesus as the foundation of faith and not A stumbling block in your life is to watch your desires. Turn your desires away from what the world runs towards and turn it to what God gives freely. Most of the time it's similar and untainted, and it's better than what the world gives anyway.

Be careful of how you live around unbelievers: If you're expecting outsiders to Christianity in America to live like Christians, you're wrong. People who don't believe in Jesus are not going to follow what he instructed. You can either get all pissed off about it and talk about abomination city that goes on in America...OR...you can love those who don't love Jesus, and in retrospect, you. You can live missionally. What's the mission? To share God's message of love and restoration. To help people who are alienated from God experience real transformation. To help people go from trusting in themselves to trusting in God and watching the effects of Sin's curse fall out of their lives. You're not going to do that by standing outside of abortion clinics with signs that say "You're going to Hell" or "God hates fags". If you do that, or if you support that... 

YOU ARE A JOKE. 

We are called by God to live in such a way that points people to Him, that even if they accuse us of wrong, our HONORABLE behavior will cause them to want to give honor to the one we believe in. That's our call. That's how we are to live.

Let's become a people that lives counter-culturally. Let's let Jesus be the stumbling block he was prophesied to be, but let's not become one ourselves. People are always going to hate Christians, but Jesus said it was because of Him. If people are hating Christians because WE act like unchristian, we're doing something wrong. Let's realize that once we understand Jesus, we can understand ourselves and what we are to do, and we'll understand the point: That we're not made for this world forever, but for the one to come, and our job is to live well here and point people to the loving character of God so that they may honor Him when he comes again.

Understand Jesus

Understand Yourself

Understand the Point

Guins win, weekend fun, and decisions decisions

Let me just start off by saying that I have had a wonderful weekend. On Friday night my Dad and Grandma came down to visit me. It was so much fun. They got here about 6 p.m. and we met at the church for me to give them a tour. They were very impressed with the building, and it’s actually kind of funny because even though I told them the landmarks around it, they drove right by the church. I explained to them when they finally got back that the church wasn’t built as a “church” originally but as a storefront. They said that this was apparent because they were looking for a steeple. Friday night was game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. I’ve grown up watching hockey with my Dad, so it was great that we got a chance to watch this important game together. I know it doesn’t really mean anything, but the fact that the Penguins won the Stanley Cup after 17 years of me actually watching it was something wonderful, and I got to do that with my family, so it was something special. On Saturday, we went to the beach all day to watch the Ocean City air show. We only got to see 3 planes because they cancelled it due to fog, but I had a great day lying on the beach and enjoying time with my family. That night we headed to the weekly prayer meeting, something for me that is rather special (and honestly my favorite service all week), and I had another refreshing time talking to the Creator of the universe. Sunday morning included what every Sunday morning includes, except that my family was there. I played drums on the worship team, something that my Dad and Grandma have seen me do since the beginning of my Christian walk, and I also handled the announcements and prayer for the offering. I had a chance to embarrass them a little bit because I made them stand up and had everybody clap for them. My Grandma enjoyed it, however, the look on my Dad’s face was rather priceless; let’s just say he is a little shy. After church we took a trip up to Delaware to have lunch with Chelsea and her family. This was the first time that our families had met, and after a little bit of an awkward start the conversation picked up and it was a great time (and the food was incredible, as always). Right now it is Monday morning, and I’m just trying to get myself together for the week with scheduling and planning and such. Pastor Bryan asked me yesterday in church if I would be interested in just staying for the whole summer. This question kind of rocked my socks because for the entire day yesterday I was ready to say yes. I don’t know what I’m going to do because as much as I feel wanted and needed here, I haven’t been at home with my family for more than a week in almost a year and a half. I planned on going home in a couple weeks to see my family, work so I had some money in my pocket, and get in shape for soccer season which is rapidly approaching. I know that it’s going to take a while for me to figure out what I want, and I know prayer is going to have to be a priority here because I’m completely torn. I want to stay, but I kind of know I can’t. The good thing here is that after 5 weeks I feel like they utilize my God-given talents and it’s pretty awesome to be effective in doing what you are called to do. It’s going to be tough to take them back. I like it here, but there will have to be a “last day”; I just don’t know when that is.

 

So I spoke at the DEEP =)

Wouldn't it be cool if I actually updated this blog a little more frequently? I'm sorry okay! I'll try harder. My goal is once per week (at least). Enjoy this little tidbit from my internship journal for this week:

Well, as this week comes to a close I can honestly say that I have a lot of my burdens off my shoulders. All last week I spent time preparing a sermon to speak at the Deep this Tuesday. When Monday rolled around I started getting a little bit nervous; not that I had to speak in front of people, but rather that I would make a significant impact and that God would speak through me. Let me tell you…He really did! The youth group typically runs anywhere between 120 and 150 teenagers, but as the end of the school year approaches; Pastor Greg (the Deep’s youth pastor) says that it usually goes down a little bit. Regardless, I had a chance to speak in front of about 100 teenagers, and God really worked through me. I hardly had to look at my notes and just used the outline in my Bible. I spent most of my time off the stage and on the floor walking around. I spoke for about 35 minutes, but despite the length it really seemed like I kept the teenagers attention most of the time. I allowed time for an altar call at the end, and God really moved through the teenagers hearts. All of the prayer team members had teenagers to pray for, and there were various teenagers around the altar praying by themselves. It really was a great night, and I felt so blessed to have an opportunity to speak to the group. As I look back on this week, I can honestly say that I feel reaffirmed in my call to ministry because of the way God spoke through me Tuesday night. I was very humbled, and I am especially glad that God would chose good old rotten me to speak into teenager’s lives. I can only hope that even though I may not be speaking in front of these particular teenagers again that I can still help to encourage and teach them. I love being in youth ministry!