"Only in our moments of greatest personal helplessness do we begin to discover the life-changing presence and power of God...God's strength is made perfect in our weakness."
-Gary Kinnaman
I haven't written for a couple of days, which at this point is pretty bad because my grade is on the line. Right now, I'm probably going through one of the toughest struggles I have ever had to deal with since being at VFCC. This struggle is one of direction. Being that I'm going to a pastor or in ministry at some level, I feel like the expectation from people is that I get hourly updates from God via text message. For those of you that are going into ministry or maybe already are, you know it doesn't work like that. This week I have felt flat out depressed. I've had a lot of issues arise and demand my attention, a lot of them against my will. I feel like I should know exactly where I am supposed to be heading, and even when people say "Hey no you're doing okay", I don't feel like I am. So many times I have broken down and lost it, and in those times when I feel like the biggest sissy on the planet...God steps in and provides me with a peace that I can't explain, peace that occurs for absolutely no reason other than that I'm spending time with Him and believing in Him for my life. It's funny too because the more time I spend away from God, the more and more helpless I feel. I try to depend on myself too much (yeah I know...so shoot me) and have a hard time listening to the words, "Trust Me". Seriously, how in the free world can I be expected to just follow blindly and have no realistic reason to believe that things will work out for my best benefit?
It's so funny because even though I am saying this, I still believe completely in the sovereignty of God and that He will do what He has promised to do, and that is take care of His child. I still believe it even if I don't understand how or why. I guess I'm just letting out a lot of frustration right now. I just want to be where I know I'm supposed to be, and I know that with Jesus #1 in my life, I am. If everything else isn't making sense; if everything else cannot be controlled by me, the one thing I can control is where Christ is in my life, and when he's #1 he has promised to give me all that I need.
And I need a lot right now...so please pray for direction for me :)
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About Me
- Michael Steinsdoerfer
- Phoenixville, Pennsylvania, United States
- I graduated from Valley Forge Christian College in December of 2009. I hope to pastor/teach in the near future and continue my education by pursuing an Masters of Divinity from a prestigious graduate school or seminary. I enjoy music, sports (especially the Pittsburgh Penguins) and spending time with friends and family. Please feel free to e-mail me at masteinsdoerfer@gmail.com or follow me on Twitter @MikeSteiny
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