M&M's and a Pepsi

Okay, so what if I'm into mood lighting? Maybe I just like a homey room...

Anyway, I'm back on the bed writing tonight's inspirational thoughts. Here goes. Sometimes life is downright depressing. Sometimes you get in those moods where you're depressed for no reason; other times you're depressed for a reason that you should be over but for no reason comes back at the most inconvenient time to bite you in the rear; sometimes you're depressed and you know exactly why.

You pick one, all I'm going to say is that, I'm feeling depressed.

What does one do amidst depression. Obviously I am feeling it because I'm not a good enough Christian. After all, good Christians are never unhappy. Um, false. If that were true I would have lost my spot a long time ago. Sometimes I think you can feel so empty, so worthless, so bland; sometimes you feel like nothing really matters, everything is meaningless and you don't really care. That's been my attitude for about the last 6 hours (or 6 days, who knows) and guess what, I'm not any less depressed, I'm actually more! Okay...so...plan one, DON'T DO THAT.

Plan 2.

Let's pretend everything's okay and just be really superficial. Yep, good plan, and maybe plan 3 should be to jump in front of a moving truck...

Anyway plan 4, I think the thing I'm having the hardest time dealing with right now is how do I do the right thing? Why am I feeling like I feel? Why would God allow me to feel this way if in the end he didn't have my well being in mind? I think I need to start there. No matter what, it's going to take alot for me to escape the plans God has for my life, and sometimes he just let's things happen (and sometimes causes them to happen) in order that my future would be better. Obviously I can't see the future, all I can see is right now, and I would be biased to say "God you're not that smart, are you?"

After He gets done hysterically laughing in my face I realize that maybe I'm the ignorant one.

And besides what do I have to lose? "No one who trusts in the Lord will ever be put to shame". Do I believe it? Not as much as I should. I think the Lord is allowing me in this season in my life to realize how dependent he desires for me to be towards him. Through all the thoughts and all the screw ups that I have been through as a result of my situation, I think He may just be saying "Trust me....trust me". In doing so I can't lose. Either He is right and I win, or He's wrong and...well he has a good track record anyway. I can cling to that.

"Lord, in this time I don't know why I going through what I am going through. I have given you my situation since day one, and here I am somewhat disappointed. May you take my life in the direction you desire and may you teach me to depend on you the way that you would want me to. I repent of my sin in my mindset and in my deed, may both of them be pleasing in your sight as I take daily the cross which is before me to carry. I once again commit my life and my heart to you. I give you my friendship, it's what you desire most. There's nothing I need to worry about because even if things get worse you are still there. You are still faithful. I have nothing worth living for as much as you anyway, so take this life and make it pleasing in your sight. May the words of my mouth, the meditation of my heart, and the deeds of my hands be pleasing in your sight, my God, my Rock, and my Redeemer.

I bring them to you in Jesus name".