Sympathy

Sometimes it's the only thing I want.

I think I have learned a lot of things this week. One of those things is the fact that no matter how we respond to the statement "You don't know how it feels", truly we don't know what other people are going through. This week for me has been complete hell. I have felt abandoned by my closest friends, even by God at some points. Sometimes all I really want is for someone to step out and really understand what I'm going through and sympathize with me; instead I feel like I'm always trying to convince them to. Some people tell me they know what it's like, and I respond with wondering why then aren't they right there next to me, because if they really knew what it was like they would know that having someone beside you is very much necessary. I have felt so alone this week. I know that God never truly leaves us, and since he is such an integral part of my life I feel ashamed to say that sometimes I don't feel like he's close. As I look back on the week, and even though I have felt that way, I can see perfectly as to how he has been orchestrating my life. I talked with Dom today for our accountability thing for class about some of the dreams and visions I have had for myself this semester regarding my future. To be honest with you, I feel like if what happened last Sunday hadn't happened to me then one or more of those may have been hindered in the future. I know that in the next two years God has something for me so far beyond what I can comprehend. If only I could really know what to expect! Dom reminded me today that if I felt like I really lost something last week, and if God really has his hand on my life, that all I can expect now is for God to give me something 10 times better, in a relationship (or not) and just in my life in general.

All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
-Psalm 139:16

He truly has a hand on my life and I'm believing it more and more. In my head I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be almost a week later, and to be honest with you sometimes I'm just beside myself with pain, but God's been very faithful to order my steps. He's teaching me about forgiveness and character; hope and trust. In about a half hour it's going to be Sunday, and one week ago is when this event turned my world upside down. I can say with full confidence that I trust God and that this upcoming week is going to be filled with promises fulfilled. I'm going to be open and receptive to what he has for me...it's so much better than the plans I would have for myself.